Thursday, December 15, 2011

this week's adventures in motherhood.

I'm back, baby.

Setting that goal for myself to make a dent in my Pinterest "to do someday" list has made for a totally rejuvenated mama this week. Last night, as I got a pan of baked french toast ready for this morning and wrapped a few more presents, I just felt so at peace with things. L hadn't napped well all day, there was a pile of laundry waiting for me, and I was starting to yawn at 8:30...but I felt good. Really, really good.

See, this is the person I used to be -- tackling a million things at once is what puts a big smile on my face. I feel so lucky to be able to stay home with L this year and I wouldn't want it any other way, but it takes some getting used to. It's weird: I'm busier than I ever was even when working full time, but doing fewer things somehow makes me feel less fulfilled, even when the one job I do have is the hardest one I have ever taken on.

I have to decide in February if I'm going back to school at all -- and I'm feeling a little torn. I know that I can't go back full time, so if that's the only option I'll be resigning. But a part time position? Maybe. I met with an inspiring colleague and friend last week, and over coffee she shared her personal story about quitting to stay home with her two babies and how that decision affected her family, her career path, and (most of all) her identity. She put it very matter-of-factly: "You're going to have to sit down with your husband and talk about your goals and priorities together -- what's most important to you?" And she's right -- I'll never get this time with L back, so will I regret it if I miss out? Or are other things (tenure and retirement benefits, enough money to travel and do all the home repairs we want to, the social aspects of working) more important in the long run? And if not going back to teaching, do I want to try something else instead, and what would that look like? Join the local community orchestra, really work hard on getting my shop up and running, finish my master's degree...

This week of doing, doing, doing has made me feel confident that I need to be doing more than I am right now because it keeps me happy. But I feel pretty lost about deciding what that "more" should be.


  1. I hear you, I still wonder when I will go back. Full-time would be impossible for me, I think. Then we all get sick, want to travel, have visitors, move to London, etc. The good thing is that you can always change your mind later.

  2. That picture cracks me up!! hahaha adorable

    and I'm with you on feeling relieved after accomplishing little things. I did half my wrapping and felt a huge sigh of relief.