I was talking with some friends at lunch today and some thoughts finally crystallized for me about part of the reason I have been away from the blog so much lately, apart from the big roadblocks like planning for the barn sale and not having a working computer. It's because of this.
This photo, for me, epitomizes how I've been feeling about a lot of what I read in blogland. Everything about this room is perfect: the furniture, the lighting, the happy family bonding together. And I get that, for the "stay-at-home moms" who actually make a living from blogging, having a blog that focuses on all that is beautiful and enviable and covetable about your life is how you get advertisers to pay you and readers to flock to your posts every day. But I'm having a really hard time with the "comparison is the thief of joy" thing.
As excited as we are about baby #2 and as many things that have happened since January, 2013 has not been a great year for our family. We've had grief and loss with the death of family members, illness and physical ailments for at least one of us at any given time, concerns about Lorelei's speech development, house trauma (including two flooded basements at the same time when we were still in the process of selling our old house), big arguments about finances and future life goals, and general growing pains as we figure out life as a soon-to-be family of four. And posting about recipes or craft projects or my baby bump progress seems trivial and fake in the midst of all that.
I have been wanting for ages to do a "house tour" to show you the new place we moved into, but what's the point? We still have limited furniture because we can't agree on a budget or style, ugly contractor-grade carpet that I want to get rid of but probably never will (see previous reason), piles of stuff sitting around and nowhere to put it (see previous reason)...I feel frustrated every time I walk into a different room and so end up watching Law and Order reruns and hoarding images on Pinterest instead of trying to do anything to fix it, which is just making the problem worse. (My virtual house would totally be full of amazing DIYs if all of my pins are any indication.)
I would love to have the time and skill to take old dressers I found at a garage sale and make them look like something Apartment Therapy-worthy, but instead I can barely find the time to clean my shower. I would love to have a to-die-for muffin recipe to share with you and pictures of my daughter devouring them at breakfast, but instead I'm busy cleaning up the cereal she threw on that awesome carpet this morning (like every morning) because she thinks breakfast is the worst meal of the day. And I'd love to have gorgeous pictures of our family to share with you, but first I would have to take a shower and find some pants that aren't covered in mud/playdoh/dinner from two days ago, and it's not looking good for that until next Tuesday at the earliest.
So, without further ado, an honest look at my house. Don't worry: I applied a bunch of cross-processing to the photos so they have a vintagey feel and you'll think you're looking at something amazing. Fooled ya!
Don't you just love what we've done with the place? Aren't you jealous of my life?
Sigh. Okay, off to do the dishes that have been sitting next to the sink since last night, and then maybe I'll clean the toilets. Maybe.