things I've learned.

1. Being a control freak does not mesh well with new parenthood.

2. Just because the tube says "hypoallergenic" does not mean that, if you have allergies to wool, you will be able to use lanolin.

3. If you do apply lanolin in copious amounts to deal with bleeding cracks from breastfeeding, be prepared for your breasts to, in the words of Ellen Herszenson, "burn like a fire."

4. Also, if you apply lanolin and then touch your face, be prepared for your  face to erupt in the worst rash you've had in your life that itches so intensely you feel like crying and doesn't go away for days.

5. "Sleeping when the baby sleeps" is important but almost impossible to do, especially when Facebook is calling.

6. Being a control freak does not mesh well with new parenthood.

7. When you tell people that your baby screams whenever you try feeding her and they tell you that you need to anticipate her feeding cues earlier, don't take it personally -- they aren't at your house watching you stand over her crib, totally sleep deprived, looking for the earliest possible signs of hunger to try to avoid the tears.

8. Having three lactation consultants come to your house to watch you breastfeed, as well as a phone consultation with another IBCLC out of state, plus attending a breastfeeding support group, does not mean you will be any more successful or feel any more like you know what you are doing.

9. Getting your baby weighed and finding out that she's gaining like crazy so must be "eating fine" is only marginally comforting when you are in lots of pain, can only latch baby on when she's sitting in the "saddle hold" which is supposedly for older babies who can hold their heads up on their own and even then you have to coerce her to open her mouth wide enough, and every feeding takes at least an hour due to the battle to get your baby latched and then to make her stay awake to eat.

10. 20 burp cloths is not enough even if your baby doesn't spit up much because you will leak milk everywhere, all the time, no matter what you are doing.

11. Apparently, some babies hate pooping so much that, the instant they wake up and realize they need to poop, they start screaming their heads off until they finally get it out 10-20 minutes later.

12. Trying to feed when baby is doing #11 is impossible, and yet you will continue to try to do it anyway because you don't always realize that she's crying about poop and not about eating.

13. Being a new mother is pretty much comprised of feeling utterly exhausted and like a cow who never gets to shower, eat at normal times, or do any of the things she used to like to spend her time doing.

14. It is hard to remember the fleeting good moments in the face of screaming babies and sleep deprivation.

15. Owning at least a dozen parenting/breastfeeding/sleeping books as well as at least that many baby-related magazines and having read them all multiple times will not in any way prepare you for being a parent, knowing how to breastfeed, understand how and when the baby needs to and should sleep, or anything else related to the new person living in your house.

16. Being a control freak does not mesh well with new parenthood.