lessons in storytelling

I've been working on a shift in perspective lately, thanks to a recent blog post from Kelle Hampton. It was actually about taking better photos for Instagram - something I can always work on, so I clicked through to read - and it gave me a creative boost I'd been craving for a while not just with my daily snaps but also with a hitch in my writing.

Kelle started her post by reminding readers that photography is like yoga (or any daily practice) - when it's a habit, you get better. When you forget to do it every day, you stop being able to stretch yourself as far as you want to. These dark winter months, in both sunlight and spirit, have kept me away from photography practice after a year of daily workouts in New Orleans, and I've been in a funk about our cookie cutter subdivision, my girls' predilection for cotton candy pink shirts emblazoned with words, and the gray-gray-gray world from November through April. She's certainly at an advantage in beautiful Naples, FL - but northern Illinois has some merits. Sometimes.

But my "aha!" moment really came when reading her tips. Because as good as they were for reminding me about what makes a good photo, a little bell started ringing in my head that these were lessons in what makes a good story, too.

Find the light. Change your perspective. Play with shadows. Get away from centering on your subject. Use negative space. Crop it.

Well, duh.

I've been in such a writing funk lately. The stories in my head just don't match what's coming out when I sit down to type, and the material feels staid. I find myself deleting drafts and thinking that I've already read it, done better, somewhere else. I'm realizing that I need to start making a daily practice out of looking at things differently and thinking about new ways of telling what feels like "same old same old" material. I'll be working on seeking out the light and playing with shadow rather than focusing on the dark. And careful editing will be a major focus: getting to the heart of the thing without the extra noise surrounding it.

A friend of mine with a photography background asked me about lighting in some of my shots over the weekend, and I immediately focused on the frustrations I've had with my old iPhone 5S and my ISO struggles with my Canon Rebel. But you know what? I need to work with what I've got - and stretch my skills behind the lens and in front of the keyboard a little farther each time I try it.

unfinished business.

A year ago today, I posted a picture of myself posing with my assembled quilt top, ready for the next stage of actual quilting. How far have I gotten with that project in a year? Well, I finally bought the backing fabric two weeks ago. And...that's it.

I have a pathological problem with starting projects and then never finishing them. I buy fabric and patterns that sit in a pile in my craft room. I have a dozen blog posts with the expository paragraphs typed out and nothing else. A journal of story ideas from my 100 days of working towards writing a children's book but very little else. A craft room and a basement halfway organized, halfway covered in boxes and junk. A million plans and good intentions and so little to show for them. I guess that's where the saying comes from - I know I'm not alone, but that offers little solace.

I remember reading that the creator of the show New Girl was really great at writing about starting relationships but terrible about figuring out how to keep characters in them once the newness wears off, so he writes sudden breakups into his shows to end things before it gets to the tricky part. I think that's pretty true in the realm of pop culture generally: the beginning of something is always sexy and exciting, and we have little interest in what happens once the newness wears off.

There's something so gratifying, though, about bringing something fully to fruition, which is why I can't figure out getting past my stumbling block when it comes to all this unfinished business. I need a way out and through the plateau of the sticky, yucky middle part in between that sexy beginning and the glory of the finish line. I need to find a way to embrace the Tuesday and Wednesday of my project and stop falling victim to the siren song of Monday fresh starts or I'm never going to get to the weekend.

To those of you working on 100 day projects right now - you're at the halfway point. If you've made it this far, bravo! I'm still hammering away at my "15 minutes of creativity" a day. So far, so good. Next time, though, I'm going to make myself pick one small, specific project and see it through to the end in the hopes it gives me some momentum for the other 17 things I have yet to finish.

my Anne Rice sabbatical, two months in

A friend asked me today about how things are "really" going down here in NOLA, and I've been meaning to write about this for a while but haven't taken the time to sit down and type it all out.

In short: it's great. I never blogged about this experience when we first found out about it, and it feels weird to go back and do all of the recap now, but we are so lucky - fortunate - blessed - pick a word - to have the opportunity to pack up and move somewhere for a year of adventure. We know this, and we are trying to make the most of the time we have in this amazing city.

Jason works in a lovely old building with the most beautiful stained glass windows across the street from a pinch-me-am-I-dreaming picturesque park with fountains and wood ducks and people walking their dogs along a street lined with dreamy live oaks and stunning old houses. It's like being in a movie. In fact, his building has been the site of a film shoot already. He's spending his days writing and thinking and philosophizing and not worrying about the humdrum responsibilities that come with professorship. I already said it, but it really is a dream.

As for me, I'm reveling in this year "abroad." I'm pretty extroverted, and I get energy from being with people and sharing ideas and stories with them, but I'm actually enjoying the solitude. I decided to make this year a "taking stock" time for myself - a chance to evaluate who I am, where I am, and where I'm headed. I have lots of projects I'm working on (probably far too many) and to-do lists I'm working through. I'm exercising every day, reading more than I have in a long time, and I'm watching much less TV than I have in years. A major goal of mine is to work on writing while I'm here - I'm trying to embrace this "Anne Rice sabbatical" (thanks for the name, Robyn) in so many ways (though without the vampires) and it's been nice to start returning to writing here to share stories and thoughts and ideas as they happen, without any need for an editorial calendar or weekly post series. Stepping back from my shop, too, has given me a chance to focus on making things I'm excited about, rather than feeling I have to create with an eye on the upcoming holiday season. It's quiet, and it's solitary, but it's not lonely. It's like being on some kind of personal retreat, and my only worry is that I'll waste it and come back home without anything to show for all of the time I had here.

The only challenging part of our move to New Orleans has been life with the girls. It was a tough adjustment for them, and there continue to be difficulties. Going to school every day takes its toll on Lorelei, and we still haven't found a great rhythm for making the most of our afternoons together. We cut out the "extra" classes that she would have taken back home - music, ballet, gymnastics - because she's in school so much already, and because Phoebe has to wait around for her enough as it is, and because life here is expensive, but she's pretty sad to be missing out on them. There seem to be far fewer avenues for enrichment for Phoebe during morning school hours, so I'm worried about her lack of socializing opportunities and the rough adjustment to preschool next fall.

We are lucky to have memberships to all the great museums here. Without my church choir commitments or our usual weekend morning obligations, we have two days each week to spend as a family exploring the city. We're in a vacation mode all the time, and it's been good for all of us to embrace a New Orleans state of mind.

#52weeks52projects

If you follow me on Pinterest or Instagram, you might have noticed a new board or a few pictures recently labeled #52weeks52projects. I have been on a pinning hiatus recently because I felt guilty for pinning tons of things that I never actually got around to making, and it seemed silly to hoard ideas. But the new intentional me decided that, instead of abandoning ship, I should just make them, already! I'm aiming for about one new DIY a week - maybe slightly more/less depending on how difficult the tutorial turns out to be. Here are my first two attempts:

1/52: bobble-frame purse [things I learned: don't start with such a hard-to-match-up fabric the first time, take your time with the embroidery thread part or it will look super messy; sewing a curved line on a sewing machine is way harder than I thought it would be]

2/52: yo yos [things I learned: I can't sew even stitches to save my life, apparently. Thank goodness the Joann's in town sells yo yo makers so I could just do this the cheater way.]

Next up: a skirt for Lorelei. Wish me luck!

one week later.

Thank you, so much, for your words of encouragement on my last post. It made me feel good to know that I'm not alone in my pursuit of this year of intentional living - and to know that you just might be back here to share your thoughts with me even if I don't spend hours finding just the right photograph to make this post Pinterest-worthy. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Living with intentionality feels really good. It's empowering to be behind the steering wheel of my life instead of a hapless passenger in the backseat. Best decision for a birthday resolution I've made ever, probably. And it's so nice to have just one thing to focus on instead of a whole list - to have it be a lens through which to view my day instead of something I have to squeeze in to my limited schedule or, worse, something I have to stop doing that is really really hard to give up.

Not that it's easy - because it really is making me have to squeeze things in and cut things out. But this time, it's okay to fail at it, especially at first, while I'm figuring out what my intentions are. I found myself walking towards the couch when both girls were napping (okay, to be perfectly honest this happened one time in the last week) and then the question popped into my head: "Do I want to be the person who watches bad reruns instead of getting something done?" Answer: nope. Instead, I made about two dozen new items for my Etsy shop reopen next week and put away all of the straggler Christmas decor that was cluttering up the house. I had the phone in my hand, ready to order pizza for dinner, and then the question floated by: "Do I want to be the person who serves her daughter pizza even when there are perfectly healthy things to make and serve in the fridge and cupboard?" Answer: maybe on a really really bad night, but tonight I can make the effort. So I cooked this. Did Lorelei eat it? No, but that's beside the point anyway.

And sometimes I don't hear the question in time, like today when I should have been enjoying Phoebe during a rare happy awake time moment but instead was checking my email. But tomorrow, I will be mobile-device free when she's up, because I hear the question now, and that's the kind of mom I want to be.

And you? How are your resolutions so far? The weather certainly isn't doing anybody any favors when it comes to motivation to do anything other than cower under the covers...

I miss my waist. // circle skirt love

I'm back, and I should totally be updating you about our trip and my reunion. But, instead, I'm obsessing over 1950s skirts with tiny waists - because, well, mine is currently missing.

Back when I got dressed up every morning (and going all the way back to high school and college), I used to wear a lot of skirt-plus-boot combos, especially vintage A-line or full wool plaid skirts in the fall, or printed cotton ones with flats in the spring. I've been living in jeans (and, in the winter, wrap sweaters) since Lorelei was born, but I'm determined to get back to my old stylish ways this fall even though I'll have a messy little newborn to cramp my style. My goal: a once-a-week "what I wore" post (either here or on instagram) featuring clothes other than yoga pants.

If you follow me on Etsy, you know I've been favoriting vintage skirts like crazy - and I compiled my favorites onto a Pinterest board for your online window shopping pleasure. Here, a few of my top picks (click on the images to go directly to the Etsy listings to purchase!):

Greedy Seagull, $48 

Female Hysteria, $52

Crush Vintage, $54

...and some cold-weather options:

Vint Condition Style, $28

Sticky Lipgloss Vintage, $36

Fringe Betty, $28

And a "just dreaming" find, unless I win the lottery:

Zest Vintage, $128

goal update.

2012 is halfway over -- figured it was about time that I revisited my birthday resolutions once again! The blue text comes from my goal update back in February. The red is from today.

1. Learn how to embrace the beauty and wonder of today rather than wishing it would hurry up and be tomorrow or somehow get back to what it was like yesterday. (okay, I can't really cross this off yet, but that felt soooo good.) -- totally still a work in progress, but I feel like I'm getting there! Definitely still working on this one, but it's so much easier than it was back when I wrote this goal.
2. Start my Etsy shop. For reals this time. This means making a list of all of the minutiae that have been holding me back and then working my way through them -- and writing about it here to keep myself honest. -- I've been working hard on this one, but I still have quite a ways to go before my target date of March 20th. Up and running since April 9th! I've made 40+ sales and will be doing my first craft fair in August.
3. Figure out what in the world to do about whether I am going back to work next fall. (This might be a little bit of an unfair resolution, as I'm required to do this by February whether I like it or not -- but, again, crossing things off a list is so cathartic!) -- yep, I've decided. Check back next week for more.
4. Write a letter to my grandmother every week. She doesn't have a lot to look forward to each day due to her struggles with Lewy Body Dementia and she used to send me the most wonderful letters and packages so I want to return the favor while I still can. -- I've been faithfully writing, and writing a letter every day this month to keep up with thischallenge, too. I haven't done it every week -- but I haven't missed too many. This reminds me that I need to write another one today!
5. Learn how to use my brand new DSLR so my blog looks the way I want it to. (Have I mentioned that my husband is super dreamy? Thanks for the best present ever, J!) -- Can you tell I'm getting a tiny, tiny bit better? I never allow myself to use the automatic setting, if that means anything... Still learning! Still need to get more familiar with the manual, too.
6. Purge our house of all of the things we don't need. Just like with #2, this is going to require a lot of smaller steps first, but I am determined to get it done. -- Sloooooooowly. This one hasn't moved forward as much as I'd like. But I have made several trips to Goodwill for drop offs...
7. Go on a trip with L that isn't just to our parents' houses. And go on a trip without L. (gulp!) -- Not even close. We're headed to Chicago next week, Colorado in August. No plans just yet for a trip without Lorelei -- but maybe this fall!
8. Make some meaningful connections in my small town and in the blogosphere. -- I like to think so! I'm working on it :)
9. Have a lot more moments like these. -- I've only gotten really, truly frustrated with L twice since this post. I think that's progress, don't you? Most days are great days -- it's nice to be able to say that and mean it.

As for my "no new clothes" goal, I've done pretty well! I did buy a new dress and shoes for my brother's wedding next weekend. And I've been the grateful recipient of a few new items of clothing (thanks Mom!) -- but since I didn't buy them myself, I think I've been pretty faithful to my original promise.

I'm adding a new goal here, too, related to my post (and giveaway!) on Tuesday. I want to work at being a healthier mom so I can set a good example for my daughter -- so I'm starting small with something that I'm really bad at: drinking enough water during the day. I know that sounds almost childish as a goal, but if I'm going to get frustrated with Lorelei for refusing to drink anything but breastmilk, I should be showing her how to do it, right?

How are you coming along with your resolutions? Anything new you're focused on?

larking. is open for business!

So psyched -- and a little nervous!

larking. is officially open for business starting today. I can't believe I actually managed to get any listings done this weekend after some crazy late nights with a wide-awake and very sad baby (more details coming, of course). But I had to meet this deadline.

Coupon code GRANDOPENING for free shipping during these first few weeks of business. Hope you'll stop by and check it out -- I have lots of other inventory and am getting listings up when I can!

opinions, please!

So, there's a little snafu in getting my new blog design up and running. I was waiting to open my Etsy shop until everything was "perfect" -- but at this point, that would mean pushing back my grand opening indefinitely.

I'm the kind of person who wants every last duck in a row before I start any new venture, so the idea of beginning this new little business of mine before the virtual walls of my shop are painted and the sign outside is properly hung makes me feel really anxious.

At the same time, I'm a big procrastinator -- and the longer I wait, the longer I'm going to wait.

What do you guys think? Should I just go for it, or should I hold off until I have it all exactly how I want it?

(p.s. in the mean time, I have to come up with a shop banner -- any thoughts on the ones I've messed around with here?)

trying to treasure the moment.

So, speaking of the treasures we pour our hearts into --

(notice the skeptical raised eyebrow -- already her mama's girl in so many ways)

I've decided to take a very small step back from this blog. Since I changed URLs back in September and decided to start blogging to cure myself of desperate loneliness and stagnation as a new mother, I've been pretty faithful about posting every weekday and even some weekends. And it has done amazing, wonderful things for my soul -- truly. Especially the part about "meeting" and connecting with all of you. But I'm starting to feel myself being pulled a bit too thin, what with trying to start my shop, work towards my personal goals, and keep up with my very mobile, very curious, very adorable almost-9-month-old: the near-and-dear-to-my-hearts that my treasure trove of time and mental energy and love should be directed towards. So the every-single-day posting requirement is going by the wayside, at least for now. I'll still be here very often, maybe even posting daily if I feel like it, and reading your own blogs just as often as usual -- but having a daily writing assignment no longer seems like a necessity for my sanity (and, in fact, is starting to feel quite the opposite).

Anyway, you probably won't even notice and certainly won't mind -- this public service announcement is really more for my sake and my own issues with guilt. :)

And while we're on the topic of goals, here's a quick update on those pesky little birthday resolutions, in case you're wondering:

1. Learn how to embrace the beauty and wonder of today rather than wishing it would hurry up and be tomorrow or somehow get back to what it was like yesterday. (okay, I can't really cross this off yet, but that felt soooo good.) -- totally still a work in progress, but I feel like I'm getting there!
2. Start my Etsy shop. For reals this time. This means making a list of all of the minutiae that have been holding me back and then working my way through them -- and writing about it here to keep myself honest. -- I've been working hard on this one, but I still have quite a ways to go before my target date of March 20th.
3. Figure out what in the world to do about whether I am going back to work next fall. (This might be a little bit of an unfair resolution, as I'm required to do this by February whether I like it or not -- but, again, crossing things off a list is so cathartic!) -- yep, I've decided. Check back next week for more.
4. Write a letter to my grandmother every week. She doesn't have a lot to look forward to each day due to her struggles with Lewy Body Dementia and she used to send me the most wonderful letters and packages so I want to return the favor while I still can. -- I've been faithfully writing, and writing a letter every day this month to keep up with this challenge, too.
5. Learn how to use my brand new DSLR so my blog looks the way I want it to. (Have I mentioned that my husband is super dreamy? Thanks for the best present ever, J!) -- Can you tell I'm getting a tiny, tiny bit better? I never allow myself to use the automatic setting, if that means anything...
6. Purge our house of all of the things we don't need. Just like with #2, this is going to require a lot of smaller steps first, but I am determined to get it done. -- Sloooooooowly.
7. Go on a trip with L that isn't just to our parents' houses. And go on a trip without L. (gulp!) -- Not even close.
8. Make some meaningful connections in my small town and in the blogosphere. -- I like to think so!
9. Have a lot more moments like these. -- I've only gotten really, truly frustrated with L twice since this post. I think that's progress, don't you?


Happy weekend, all, and thanks for being along for the ride!

this week's adventures in motherhood: getting my heart in the right place.

I have a confession to make: I have a secret resolution I've been working on this year.

(image 1, 2, 3)

I am a clothes (and shoes, and bags...) fanatic. And I definitely have champagne taste on a beer water budget, though most of the time I reign myself in and stick to the sale racks (it's a good thing Anthropologie is a 45 minute drive away, though). I get a secret (okay, not-so-secret) thrill any time the person behind me in the checkout line at the grocery store taps me on the shoulder to say "I love your coat!" or when a student would hang back after class to ask me where I got my shoes or when a very flamboyant waiter at my favorite restaurant told me my skirt looked fierce. As much as we pretend it doesn't matter, your appearance is a big part of how people judge you -- and I admit that looking a certain way is a lot more important to me than it probably should be.

(image 1, 2)

But I heard a quote recently that stopped me in my tracks: "Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." I guess I always sort of thought it was the other way around -- that your heart would be the one tell you where to put your money, time, and effort. Instead, I started really thinking about where I was putting my treasure, and what it meant about how my priorities and values had shifted accordingly. And is that really the kind of message I want to be sending my daughter about how to live your best life (really, Oprah, you aren't the only one who has ever used that phrase)? Total lightbulb moment.

So.

I stopped buying clothes this year. All year. (Okay, I did buy a dress for my brother's wedding. For 70% off the original price. And c'mon, it's a once-in-a-lifetime event, right?) Because there will always be cute clothes in stores, so taking a year off from buying them isn't going to prevent me from ever looking stylish again. Plus, this is a chance for me to really take stock of what I already own, decide what's "me," what's old and tired, and start making better use of the items I've already poured my hard-earned cash into.

(image)

And that gives me some more spending money for the things that really do make my heart happy -- like buying all organic produce to keep my little family of three healthy, supporting independent bookstores and new authors, donating to causes that matter to me, and planning trips to visit people and places that will last a lot longer in my bank of memories than something on a hanger in my closet.

Does this mean I have to change the tag line for my blog? Or shut down my Pinterest board? For now, I'm saying no -- I still adore fashion, and I'm not going to pretend that I'll never care about clothes again, because this is just part of who I am. But my commitment to being a great mom to L means realizing that I need to be a lot more conscious of my decision-making on the big stuff and the small stuff, too.

p.s. Have any of you read this? Or heard about this? I don't think I can go that far -- but a girl can dream...

etsy find of the day.

This is a totally uncompensated review -- but I'm in love!

(all images in this post from Parker and Posie's etsy shop)

Aren't these the cutest baby shoes? Plus, they actually stay on -- seriously. My cousin bought L this darling pair (from the fabulous Etsy shop Parker and Posie) last spring before her arrival and I can't get over how fantastic they are.

Not only do they come in all kinds of sweet patterns, but you can even get them custom made with your baby's name printed on them:

Considering how well made these are -- and how well they stay on -- it's no wonder Jaimie's shop is in "vacation mode" while she catches up on orders! When she's back in business, I'll be the first in line to place an order. Love supporting other crafty moms, too!

And speaking of Etsy shops...the target date for my shop to open is March 20th! More details to come -- stay tuned! :)

#JANphotoaday

Have you been participating in the photo-a-day challenge? I found out about it from Cassie and jumped in on day 5 -- I've been posting my pictures to Twitter. Here are some of my favorites so far:

It's been an awesome way for me to practice with my new camera -- I am still very much a beginner but it's fun to play around with the settings and learn what works and what doesn't. I was really impressed with myself for figuring out how to take a cool sunburst shot -- until I looked at it on my computer and realized some crap had gotten on my lens.

Oh well.

I'm going to be using some of my new skillz (yeah, that's right) to take some pictures of L today -- it's her 8-month birthday! She's currently celebrating by singing and laughing to herself in her crib instead of going down for her nap, which is really too cute to be frustrated by. Almost.

Are you doing #JANphotoaday? Let me know so I can follow along!

this week's adventures in motherhood: decisions, decisions.

So while I'm steadily working towards my birthday resolutions, there's one really big one that I've been avoiding: deciding if I'm going back to work next year.

I've been employed as a teacher for 9 years, but I've really been a teacher for a lot longer than that -- head writing tutor in college, teaching assistant for my favorite class in high school as an independent study (yep, I'm that nerdy!), private violin instructor, swimming teacher, vacation bible school leader...all the way back to teaching my stuffed animals in the basement when I was 4 or 5. At an awards banquet my senior year of high school, I stood and listened to the presenter read a personal statement I had written in which I said that I hoped, in ten years, to be working on improving educational policy at a national level while the other students around me wished to be married with kids. Teaching is a true passion; I feel happy and fulfilled when I'm working with students, especially when those students are my fellow educators -- and my job as a literacy coach gives me the chance to do just that. Working with teachers to help them hone and perfect their craft to better reach and shape young minds? What could be better than that?

me, giving the commencement address at the school where I used to work

Even with all of that passion for teaching, I had always felt that I would quit my job if and when I had children, and I had planned to do just that, but my principal convinced me to apply for a year leave instead so that I'd have a chance to see how I felt once I actually had a baby. And now I find myself in a difficult position: do I stay home with L, or return to my job next fall?

I admit that I'm incredibly lucky I even get to make this decision in the first place. So many parents find themselves forced to go to work for financial reasons, and I am grateful every day that we planned very carefully so that, when we moved here almost three years ago, our mortgage and monthly expenses would be entirely covered by my husband's salary -- everything I made was icing on the cake and savings for our future. It's tight, and we have to budget and go without, but we can do it, and I'm very fortunate to have a husband who says "Do whatever makes you happiest."

with the co-captains of the amazing speech + debate team I used to coach

But what makes me happiest? I love who I am at work -- I feel confident, responsible, valued as an integral part of something that matters. I like getting dressed up for work, getting to check things off my to-do list, moving towards a goal with a purpose and a greater good. I like the thought of life-beyond-parenting, of having experiences to call my own, of interacting with adults and knowing that people care what I have to say.

At the same time -- this time with my daughter is fleeting. I will never be able to get it back. Having a child is the greatest teaching job of a lifetime -- why would I skip it to spend time with other people's children?

too cool for school!

Have you ever had to make a difficult decision? What helped you figure out what really mattered to you?

working towards a resolution.

My mom came to visit this weekend, so I got to spend a whole bunch of time working on my birthday resolution #6: purging my house of all sorts of things we don't need. I started in the kitchen and filled a huge box + a garbage bag -- it's embarrassing that our cupboards are still bursting at the seams, but it feels great anyway.  So far, haven't missed a single item. I also started tackling our bedroom in order to do an on-the-cheap remodel (check out my pinterest board for the inspiration!).

In the meantime, baby + "Gramma B" got to spend a lot of quality time together. As we learned at Christmas time, playing with empty boxes is the best! So is knocking down tall towers -- especially now that L can crawl (she's been perfecting her technique over the past week or so).

What do you think -- does it look like she had a good time?

Can't wait to post some "after" pictures once the bedroom makeover is finished!

girl, you know I do.

All of the Ryan Gosling tumblrs are totally cracking me up right now. Especially this one:

(all images)

Someone I know posted a "Pay It Forward" handmade crafts status on Facebook, and I now find myself making something for two former students, a former colleague who lives in Guatemala, and the craftiest person I know in my hometown. I figure it's a good way to kickstart me into getting my store up and running, right?

january photo a day challenge

Hey all -- I don't normally post on the weekends, but I found out (late, of course) about the January Photo a Day challenge (thanks, Cassie!) and so I'm jumping onto the bandwagon over on Twitter. Check out my pics so far -- and let me know if you're playing so I can follow along!

this week's adventures in motherhood: birthday resolutions

I turned 31 on Monday. I used to think that being in my early thirties would be unbelievably depressing because there was no way that I would accomplish everything I wanted to by then and, let's be honest, it's no longer cute to be "finding yourself" when you have obvious crow's feet.

(See them? Yikes!)

Having L has made my transition into full-blown, can't-pretend-about-it-anymore adulthood a lot easier to bear. And I'm already starting to realize how much she is changing me for the better. In previous years, I would never have been happy with the totally low-key birthday I had this year and was always bummed that people were too busy getting back to work the day after New Year's to do much celebrating with me. But this year? LOVED it. A few extra minutes in bed, snuggles with L, Indian food for dinner, and even getting to make my own birthday cake (which sounds terrible, but spending the afternoon baking was just what I wanted to do!) while my husband watched our daughter play in her new Jumperoo.

(poke and pour ginger cake recipe can be found here -- it is to DIE for!)

So one of my birthday resolutions (I call them that rather than New Year's resolutions -- I know, silly, but it matters to me somehow) is already accomplished (or at least I'm making pretty good progress towards it!). Take that, 2012!

1. Learn how to embrace the beauty and wonder of today rather than wishing it would hurry up and be tomorrow or somehow get back to what it was like yesterday. (okay, I can't really cross this off yet, but that felt soooo good.)

2. Start my Etsy shop. For reals this time. This means making a list of all of the minutiae that have been holding me back and then working my way through them -- and writing about it here to keep myself honest.

3. Figure out what in the world to do about whether I am going back to work next fall. (This might be a little bit of an unfair resolution, as I'm required to do this by February whether I like it or not -- but, again, crossing things off a list is so cathartic!)

4. Write a letter to my grandmother every week. She doesn't have a lot to look forward to each day due to her struggles with Lewy Body Dementia and she used to send me the most wonderful letters and packages so I want to return the favor while I still can.

5. Learn how to use my brand new DSLR so my blog looks the way I want it to. (Have I mentioned that my husband is super dreamy? Thanks for the best present ever, J!)

6. Purge our house of all of the things we don't need. Just like with #2, this is going to require a lot of smaller steps first, but I am determined to get it done.

7. Go on a trip with L that isn't just to our parents' houses. And go on a trip without L. (gulp!)

8. Make some meaningful connections in my small town and in the blogosphere.

9. Have a lot more moments like these.

10. ??? What else do I need to be working on in my life? Keep me honest and let me know!